Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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