You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
