please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
