I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
