some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
