I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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