You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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