Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
