Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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