I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
