I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
