just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
