In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
