U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
