I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
vagina is talking i cant
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
