there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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