you guys were way drunker than both of me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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