Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
