I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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