I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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