I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
