things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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