I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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