he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
