you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want her autograph on my taint
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How does it feel to date your dad?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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