Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
