You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
