Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I hate all girls vehemently.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
