perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
