I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
