got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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