We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
