Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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