I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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