You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
