just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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