So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
