It's Friday. Sex?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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