I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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