Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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