we have pet lesbian snakes
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The uberlube is also flammable
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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