if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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