I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
