He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
