Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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