My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
is it fun? or sober?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
