oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
