I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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