I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
someone owes me an orgasm
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
