Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
