AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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