i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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