is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
