her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
