I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
