Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was CRYING into my vagina
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
