dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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