My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
