4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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